Confessions of a confused heart

Posted on Wed Jun 10th, 2020 @ 3:53am by Lieutenant Commander Charlotte Hudson & Lieutenant JG Ayden Kennett
Edited on on Thu Jun 11th, 2020 @ 5:01am

1,298 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Mission 3 - Coming Full Circle
Location: Ayden's Quarters

Bec waited outside Ayden's quarters for him to finish his shift. She knew she had a bit of time to wait, but if she'd gone back to her quarters, she wouldn't have come to find him. It'd been a while and she'd neglected him, even forgot to respond to a couple of his messages. And so, she stood there, back against the wall, PADD in hand, waiting for him.

She looked up when footsteps came in her direction and she gave him a small smile. "Hey, Ayden. Can we talk?"

Having finished a rather busy day in engineering, the last person Ayden expected to see was Bec waiting at his door. A smile crossed his face, because it had been far too long since he'd seen her. But the fact that she only gave a small smile had him worried. Reaching her, he kissed the top of her head.

"Of course, come on in. I've got to get changed but we can talk as I do." He punched in the code on his quarters and let her go in first.

Tucking the PADD under her arm she nodded and went into his quarters. "You know I don't mind watching you change, maybe I can make something for us to eat while you do?" She looked over her shoulder as she suggested making dinner for them. Though, she didn't really wait for an answer before heading for the small kitchenette in Ayden's quarters and standing in front of the counter, pondering what to make.

"Oh, I know you don't, Bec. But, figured I'd say something." He walked in and went towards where his clothes were. "Depends on how hungry you are. I'm a bit famished, but then again I just had a long day in engineering." He slipped out of his shirt and went digging for one in his casual clothing.

"I've had a long day of report reading and patrols," Bec said shaking her head. "Not as physically taxing as your job, but draining all the same." She watched him undress for a moment before turning back to the food she was intent on making. "Mind if I turn on some music?"

Ayden found a shirt and some shorts and tossed them onto the bed before sitting down to take his boots off. He glanced over to her and frowned slightly. "Go ahead with the music. But...are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just not sleeping well again," she admitted. "The... dreams are back," she added as she pulled a few things out and starting to get things ready to cook. "Computer, start playlist Bec favourites two." Then she smiled as the first song came on. Riders on the Storm had always been a favourite, starting with the sounds of a thunderstorm and then moving in to a smooth beat. She swayed a little as she began to hum along.

Frowning more, Ayden switched his uniform pants to shorts but kept the shirt off for now. He then went over and wanted to help her cook. "Is that why you haven't been answering my messages, love?"

"Yeah... I'm sorry... I would read them and either get called away for something, or fall asleep and then forget to respond. I didn't mean to ignore you," she said turning to give him a hug and a kiss before shooing him out of her way. "You've been busy and I've been a bad gir...partner, let me cook for you?" She asked, giving him a small smile, catching herself before she called herself his girlfriend.

"It is okay, I figured you were busy with all that was going on." He backed his way out of the kitchen after returning the kiss. He caught what she was going to say, but then she'd stopped herself. "Bec? What were you going to say...besides partner?"

"That I'd been a bad girl, but thought that maybe you'd threaten to spank me," she said with a shrug. But then she sighed and shook her head. "No... that's not it," she muttered as she mixed a few ingredients. Before she could say anything else though, the song Alone by Heart came on and Bec started to sing along. Quietly at first, but as she got closer to the chorus she got louder.

'Til now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

As she sang the chorus she turned around and started singing directly to Ayden, abandoning her meal prep. She slowly walked toward him. Still singing, even though she wasn't that great a singer.

You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight

By this time she was standing directly in front of him. She placed one hand on his chest, directly over his heart.

But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone

During the short break in the song, she kissed him softly on the lips and pulled away just in time to sing the start of the final chorus.

'Til now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone


She faded out, looking down. When the guitar solo started up she sighed and looked up. "I love you Ayden. And I was going to call myself your girlfriend... even though I know I am the one that said no commitments. I... don't know... I'm confused. I'm in love with Neza too... maybe in love with Jane? I... don't know how it's possible. But here we are... I want to be with you, and them, too..."

Ayden listened the whole time, holding onto her when she got close. Returning the soft kiss, then allowing her to finish the song. It wasn't until she finally spoke outside of the song that he realized what was going on. He couldn't help but smile and brush some hair out of her face. "I love you too, Bec, I have for a while. If you want to call yourself my girlfriend, I won't argue." He tried to formulate how he wanted to respond to the second part.

"Your heart is your heart, Bec. If you have the same feelings for others, I won't stop you or tell you that you can't love them. It is possible to love many people, at the same time." He placed his hand against her cheek. "If you want to be in love with them, and me? I have nothing against this. I love you for you."

Nuzzling into his hand, Bec's heart finally slid back into its proper place instead of being lodged in her throat like it had been. "Thank you," she whispered before kissing him again. "Now, let your girlfriend cook you dinner, and don't complain when I sing horribly!" She laughed, but didn't move away.

Returning the kiss, he smirked, "Why would I do that? As long as I can sing horribly along with you."

"Oh, I guess you could," she laughed and moved back to the counter to continue cooking dinner for them. All the while she sang along with the music and in the lulls, thought about how weird it was that so far Ayden and Neza had been fully accepting of basically sharing their girlfriend with one or two others. She knew that such a thing existed, but at the same time, she'd never experienced such a level of acceptance before.

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