Clearing the Air, Part 1: I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing
Posted on Tue Apr 7th, 2020 @ 8:11pm by Lieutenant Jane Sinclair MD, DVM & Lieutenant Commander Charlotte Hudson
2,881 words; about a 14 minute read
Mission:
Mission 2 - Love ORION Mistaken
Location: Music Room; Miscellaneous
Dr. Jane Sinclair stood in the shower and let the hot water cascade down her body. She was lost in thought.
A woman she thought loved her had obviously been manipulating her from the start. Another woman who she thought might love her had been badly alienated as a result of Jane’s corruption at the hands of the Orions.
She had to do something. She had to show Vivyra that she was strong despite all the bad that had been done to her. And she had to show Bec that she really cared.
She had the strength to do the latter, but not the faintest idea how. She needed Bec at her side to confront Vivyra. Possibly Neza too.
She waited in the shower and thought and thought and thought.
Inspiration struck! She deactivated the shower, grabbed a towel, and scrambled for a comm panel. “Warrant Officer Pariyar, please report to the music room in twenty minutes.”
Exactly on time, Warrant Officer Vikram Pariyar, a junior communications officer, approached the music room. A notice, bearing the signature of the Second Officer, started that the room was reserved for a private function. Still, he chimed the door.
“Enter!” came a woman’s voice from the inside. The door opened, and Vikram saw that the piano had been moved into the larger common area, and Dr. Sinclair wore a long red dress. “Thank you for coming, Mr. Pariyar. I need your help. Now please listen very carefully. And if anyone asks, you were just following my orders.”
Across the ship, music began to be heard over the internal comm system. A piano melody and a woman's voice.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
Bec stretched and stood up. It had been a while since she'd done any yoga, but she'd thought that maybe it would help with the wild thoughts running through her head. So much had gone on recently, enough to cause confusion, anger, and pain to flood her small body. Regular workouts had helped with the anger to a degree, but still it lingered. She decided to take up yoga again. Doing it in the privacy of her quarters just after a regular session in the gym, so as to stretch her muscles sufficiently. Just as she was about to head into the shower, sound came over the comms and she looked up despite the fact that she'd see nothing on the ceiling. "What the hell...?"
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Ooh, every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Elbow-deep in some part of the Legacy, making sure that everything is not only ship-shape, but running smoothly, Kevin Chambers heard something. Usually, he'd dismiss it, but this? Well, this was... for lack of a better word, music. It sounded familiar. And distant. Home, but not home. He smiled to himself as it continued on, helping him to focus on his task at hand. Somehow, it felt appropriate listening to something from home as he worked hard to help them get back there...
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Realizing that it was Jane's voice coming through the comms, Bec groaned. "What the hell are you up to, Sinclair?" She muttered to the emptiness of her quarters. Now came the decision though, did she respond to this in some way? Show up wherever Jane was? Send her a message? Or did she ignore it all and go take a shower?
With a sigh of frustration, she threw the yoga mat across the room. Jane would be relentless until she got what she wanted. "Computer where is Doctor Sinclair?"
"Doctor Sinclair is in the music room."
"Of course she is," Bec rolled her eyes. "Jane you are infuriating," she added, then stormed out of her quarters, still in her gym clothes and covered in a fine sheen of sweat. The look on her face made many a junior officer jump out of the way.
Xenia looked up from her helm console, a brow raised. It was strange enough that music was playing over the comm, but the song itself was familiar to her. She'd heard it a handful of times in her life, but not enough to know the words. Her eyes peered around the Bridge to see how others were reacting.
Jane continued to pour her heart into the music. Her eyes were closed. Her fingers knew exactly where to go. Her voice, her very soul, carried the words from deep within her into the ship, and through the comm system.
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
And I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
In sickbay, Nurse T'Kal was in the middle of examining a Petty Officer complaining of stomach discomfort when the comm system began blaring the song. The medical staff knew what it was instantly; they'd heard their superior officer singing as she worked almost every day. And they knew how hurt she'd been from the incident with Vivyra. From her time on Earth, T'Kal recognized the song and artist, and guessed who the song was for. Good luck, Doctor Sinclair.
Stepping into a lift, Bec growled at the fact that she couldn't get away from the music or the song. As she stood there, listening to the words, she knew it was meant for her. But at the same time, she didn't care. The fact that Jane was trying to communicate with her in this way angered her. It was bad enough that people made fun of them, gossiped about them continuously. Now they had more fodder for their mill, and she was not happy about it in the least.
I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
I hope she finds me soon, Jane thought as she played and sang. Bec was the one she hurt the most in this ordeal. She needed to get through how much she cared. How much she’s come to love the XO. This was an all-or-nothing gesture that she prayed would pay off. But Bec needed to find her way to the music room first.
Stepping through the doors to the music room, Bec glared at the communications officer and gave them a silent order to cut the comm feed. She then stared down Jane, arms crossed over her chest, her stance rigid. "What are you doing Jane?" She asked grumpily.
Jane stopped playing and smiled at Bec. “Hey. I like what you’ve done with your hair. It’s a nice colour, and that shaved side is gorgeous.”
Rolling her eyes, but inwardly feeling relieved that Jane liked the new haircut, Bec shook her head. "You didn't answer my question. What are you doing Jane? Why blast this over the comms?" No one else had commented on the new haircut, which she'd done after some of her hair was chopped off close to her head by a phaser blast. The colour was something she'd added on a whim, choosing a dark purple, almost looking black until the light hit it just right.
"I needed you to hear it," Jane said, firmly. "I needed to tell you, and I was scared you wouldn't let me. Bec...I did some awful things under Vivyra's influence. I know I hurt you. I know I scared you. And I don't know for sure how much of it was Vivyra's pheromone and how much was me. I ignored you and got addicted to another woman for it." She took a deep breath. "I need you to know how sorry I am. And I need you to know that despite appearances from the past few days, I love you. And I don't care who else on the ship knows. I don't care that they all know."
"You know, even when mad at you, I always let you talk, explain. I'd be a bad person, and a terrible Security Chief, if I didn't let people plead their cases," Bec said matter-of-factly. She then ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "Jane. What you did, hasn't just hurt me. I am angry that your obsession took you to assaulting other officers. I am able to let you off, charge free, from those assaults by the way, because you were under the influence of another." She sighed and leaned against the wall by the door. "What hurt me? Was not how even when you were trying to be with me, you had to try to include Vivyra in it. It wasn't you ignoring me. It was how thoroughly Vivyra took over your mind. None of it was you, but since it was through you, I... don't know Jane. I look at you and remember everything that happened. I just need some time," she said, though it seemed to be a struggle for her to open up and say all of this.
That wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Bec was supposed to see this as a grand romantic gesture and jump into her arms and say she forgives her silly doctor girlfriend and they’d kiss and make up and make love and put all of this behind them. Bec wasn’t supposed to...ask for time, or respond negatively at all. Jane’s eyes watered at what she was inferring. “Bec, that part wasn’t me. It couldn’t have been me. I...I don’t know where my real feelings were and where the chemical influence began, but I know the obsessiveness wasn’t me.” She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. “I, still figuring this out. I know I’m furious at Vivyra, and the Orions generally. If it were real love just taken to irrational extreme, one would think I’d be more forgiving of her, but I’m not. I know I’m sorry for everything.” More tears ran down her eyes. “I don’t know if that first time she and I had sex, whether I wanted it or not.”
With a sigh, Bec moved to Jane and wrapped her arms around the woman. "I know it wasn't you, but like you, I need to mentally process all that went on. And because it was you doing the actions under the influence of another, my brain still associates it all with you no matter how much I can rationalize it to myself," Bec said softly. "We've all been through hell, but you... your torment has gone far beyond the rest of us. You need time to heal from this much more than I do. But I still need time to work through everything. This doesn't change how I feel about you," she added. "I was scared, worried, infuriated, and lonely through all that happened. I had Ayden to help with the lonliness, but the fear and worry that I'd never get you, the real you, back? That never went away. The anger with Vivyra and her people still burns in my heart though."
She gave Jane a kiss on the forehead, then backed away before the other woman could get a good grip on her and try something out of desperation. "I..." she trailed off, unable to say the real words swimming through her head. "Just need time to process and stop associating you with what all happened. I'm not abandoning you, or anything, I need to stop seeing you and remembering what happened. Especially the desperation in the brig that led us to forcefully sedating you, I... can still see it all every time I close my eyes," she turned away so she couldn't see Jane's face and rubbed at her own. "I'm sorry Jane. I don't mean to hurt you, but I can't just drop it all like nothing happened, nor can I pretend that everything is alright. We both need to process our feelings."
Jane's eyes stung with tears as Bec told her all of these things. What was worse is how reasonable they all were. She closed her eyes, wiped the tears away, and nodded. "I...I understand." She opened them once more and looked at Bec, in a way that was longing but also restrained. "I'd like to ask for two things."
"Alright, what are your demands?" Bec asked, adding the only amount of humour she could into the situation.
"First, while we're sorting this out, we can still be friends," Jane said, smiling slightly at the injected humour. "We can't let this interfere with our duties anyway. Let's not make things awkward off-duty either."
"Of course," she nodded. "I wasn't going to be completely evil and cut you out totally." Bec shook her head. It was as though Jane thought it was all or nothing. Like she forgot there was plenty of grey space there they could operate within while they figured out what came next.
"Second..." Jane took a deep breath. "I need to do one more thing. I know exactly what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me? Even just being in the room will help me. Please."
"I need to know what it is you need to do before I can agree to being there," Bec said. "Like, if you're going to go fight with someone, I shouldn't be there to witness it," she added.
Jane’s first instinct was to be offended, that Bec thought that she might start a fight, but before she could react, Bec’s tone sunk in. She was probably joking. “No fighting, I promise,” the Doctor said with a smile. “But I need to confront Vivyra. I need to tell her how badly she hurt me. And I need to tell her what arrangements I made for her. But I’d like you to be there with me, please.” She held out a disk. “I’ve prepared what I need to say. I just need to say it.”
Bec made a face. "I don't know if you in close proximity to Vivyra is a good idea. She calls you her owner, you know. She's going to pull on your heartstrings and try to make you take her back."
"Well, before coming here I gave myself an extra dose of the pheromone blocker," Jane assured her, "but also that's why I want you there. To shake me to my senses." She gave a weak smile. "To pick me up if I fall."
Smirking darkly, Bec nodded. "Oh I'll pick you up if you fail, alright, and even take you back to your quarters," she said with a hint of dark humour to her voice. "And lock you in so you can't go crazy lady on the crew again!"
Jane laughed, but couldn't stop a tear from running down her cheek. "Before we go, do you think I should finish the song? I spent a lot of time practicing that high note at the end."
Bec sighed and rolled her eyes, but had a slight smirk. "Fiiiine... but only because you pouted," she said cheekily.
Jane smiled and turned back to the piano. She gave herself a short intro and began once again.
"And I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
Well, I just want to be with you, right here with you
Just like this
I just want to hold you close
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all of the rest of time
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-YEAH!
Don't want to close my eyes
Don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
'Cause even when I DREAM OF YOU
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep, yeah
I don't want to miss a thing"
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