Working Through Feelings

Posted on Thu Feb 28th, 2019 @ 11:22pm by Lieutenant Jane Sinclair MD, DVM & Lieutenant Commander Charlotte Hudson

1,476 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Mission 2 - Love ORION Mistaken
Location: Jane’s Quarters
Timeline: 2261.200 2300

Jane collapses onto her pillow, breathing heavily, sweating profusely. The bedsheets had been thrown aside, but she didn’t need them. She had all the warmth she needed in the form of the red-haired beauty beside her. “I’m so glad I ran into you at the mess hall again,” Jane said.

Bec laughed and stretched. "You know you can find me anywhere on the ship..." she teased. "Or even just show up at my quarters. You're the chief medical officer, best excuse to randomly call in on people without suspicion. Just say I'm avoiding sickbay." She ran her hands through her hair and sighed contentedly. It was at times like these that she didn't have to think about anything, just be herself. "But I'm glad we had the run in today too."

Jane grinned. It was nice to know that she was welcome to call Bec. In the past ten days, the ship had been attacked by Romulans and over fifty people were hurt. Jane had insulted the Captain and despite Cindy’s reassurances she was still worried that her words had done lasting damage. She for some reason she felt a weird loneliness and had no idea why. She rolled over and rested her head on Bec’s shoulder, wrapping one arm across her lover’s chest. “It’s been a rough two weeks, Bec.”

"It has definitely been rough," Bec agreed, idly running her hand in slow circles over Jane's skin. "For some more than others too," she added, staring up at the ceiling. A yawn escaped her and she gave Jane a sheepish look. "Sorry, guess I'm more tired than I thought."

Jane looked up at Bec's face. "No need to be sorry, Bec. We're all working hard, and it's normal to feel tired." She then rolled fully on top of Bec and smiled playfully at her. "And what we just did, I'd be surprised if we weren't both exhausted." She then rolled off, settling her head back down on Bec's other shoulder.

"Mmm... yeah.... but... I haven't been sleeping well lately," she admitted pulling her free arm up and under her head. "Feel like I've been on autopilot for a few days, really. Times like this? Rare bouts of concentration for me..."

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jane asked. “What’s got you sleeping so poorly? I can help you, maybe.” She rolled out of bed and walked to her eating table. She thought about covering up, but she was comfortable as she was. “I need a glass of water. Would you like some?”

"Nah, thanks though," Bec said stretching languidly across the bed. "And for sleep? Old memories coming back to haunt me," she said softly. "Twisting into nightmares." She sighed and rolled onto her stomach, letting her head hang off the edge of the bed and her arms dangle. "I should have come to see you sooner, to find a solution to the sleep issue, but... I hate talking about it... feel weak..."

Jane poured herself some water and took a sip. She looked at Bec dangling off her bed and smiled at the sight. Her face went serious again. “It’s not weak to talk about it,” she said. “In fact, opening yourself up to being vulnerable like that is one of the hardest things anyone can do. So talking about it isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength.” She knelt on the floor immediately in front of Bec’s dangling face and gently kissed her. “You can talk to me whenever you like. Or I can make an appointment for you with Alec, who is more specialized. But we’re here for you. I’m here for you.” She kissed Bec again.

"Mmmph," Bec frowned and rolled onto her back, head still hanging off the bed. "I... was tortured... during a first contact mission gone wrong... the man I was dating... he... turned traitor and fed our captors information about me and another officer that they'd captured, Joe...." She stopped and rubbed her face, then ran her hands through her hair. "Joe and I were tortured for more information. At first they wanted to know why Joe would touch their sacred idol, but then, they just wanted information to attack our ship with as punishment for our Captain not keeping his people in line. Elijah, my boyfriend at the time, he gave every bit of information he could on me, on Joe, and on the Captain. He talked enough about people that he didn't have to give information on the ship. But Joe and I... we were tortured. Elijah hadn't a hair out of place when we were finally released. Joe... he... died before our crew could get to us. I spent two weeks in medical... another week in the brig after that for breaking Elijah's jaw...

But something about those images from K6 triggered my memories..." Bec groaned and rubbed her face again, trying her best not to cry. "And I don't know why... I've seen worse and it didn't bother me. But maybe... maybe it has something to do with Ayden?"

Jane stayed on the floor and listened to Bec as she explained, clearly pouring her heart out. She didn’t think Bec had told this story to too many people. She felt special that her friend trusted her this way. Staying at eye level with the upside-down XO in her bed, she asked the next question. “Ayden? He was injured in the battle. I’m glad he made a full recovery. Do you...care for him?”

"I... I don't know..." Bec said with a sigh. "I've been seeing him too... but you knew that, right? It started off as just a bit of fun..." She trailed off and brought her hands up to play with Jane's hair. "Something's different about him though..." again she trailed off, but this time she rolled herself off the bed and stood up. "I don't know....I promised myself I wouldn't do this again... I.... how can I trust someone...what if he....?"

"Bec," Jane said, interrupting her. "Trusting someone...falling in love with someone...is one of the hardest things anyone can do. It is risky, yes, but also incredibly rewarding. I know what happened to you before is awful. I won't pretend it's not, and I won't pretend I understand how it made you feel. You have every right to be concerned about who you trust or fall in love with."

She took a step closer to Bec and held her hand. "I won't stand here and tell you that he won't do something like break your heart or disappoint you someday. I can't promise that. But I think you can trust that he won't betray you. I've spoken with him. I like him. I think he's a good man." She smiled widely. "But if you want me to put the fear of God into him I will. I may be a foot shorter than him but I can make sure he knows I'll kick his ass if he doesn't do right by you!"

She pulled Bec into a tight hug. "I think he's worthy of the benefit of the doubt," she said softly into her ear. "And I know that you're worthy of finding love and happiness."

Bec couldn't help but smile as Jane talked about kicking Ayden's ass for her. Her heart skipped a beat when Jane pulled her into a hug. Frowning, Bec wrapped her arms around Jane. What was going on with her? Why was she feeling so strongly for not only Ayden, but Jane too? Was it possible to be in love with two people at once?

She nuzzled into Jane's neck, kissing it softly, as they hugged. How did she even broach this topic with Ayden? How did she explain to Jane that she thinks she loves her too? But... does she really love them? Is her mind playing tricks on her? Her head was so full of thoughts she felt dizzy. In one fell swoop, she picked Jane up and spun to the bed. She deposited Jane on the bed and flopped down beside her, pulling her into a spooning cuddle. All without a word.

Jane shrieked with glee as Bec lifted her onto the bed, but now lay quietly, her front pressed tight against Bec’s back, her arm around Bec’s waist, holding her close. Her hand was on top of one of Bec’s, their fingers intertwined like they were that night in the music room. The often thought of the XO and security officer as a protector, who wanted to shield her and the entire crew from danger. But now it was time to be the protector. So she held Bec tight as they slowly drifted off to sleep.

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